You want to say something, but what?
Someone you love has told you they are stopping drinking. Maybe you felt relief. Maybe doubt, because you have heard it before. Often it is both at once.
Then comes the next conversation. You want to show you are behind them, but you are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Say too much and it feels like control. Say too little and it looks as if you do not care.
That discomfort is completely normal. There is no perfect sentence. But there are a few things that almost always help.
"When someone in my family told me they were stopping drinking, what I mostly felt was relief. The problem was out in the open now, and something was going to be done about it."
Friso, maker of Sobreasy
What helps: acknowledge, don't judge
Stopping drinking is a big step. The person taking it usually does not need advice or a magnifying glass. What helps is the feeling of not being alone.
Three things make the difference. Acknowledge the step, without attaching conditions to it. Ask what they need, instead of filling it in yourself. And show you are there when things get hard too, not only when they are going well.
A practical point for the first days. Someone who has drunk heavily for a long time can get physical symptoms when they stop suddenly, and that can be dangerous. Encourage them to contact their GP if they have not done so yet. In an emergency, call your local emergency number (112 in the Netherlands and the rest of the EU).
Phrases that help
- "Thank you for telling me." Simple, and it shows that telling you was already worth something.
- "How can I support you best?" Everyone needs something different. Asking beats guessing.
- "You can always call me, even when it's hard." That way they know a bad day will not disappoint you.
- "Would you like me to ask about it now and then, or shall I leave it to you?" Then they decide how often the subject comes up.
- "Shall we do something nice soon?" A walk, a film, dinner together. A person is more than their recovery.
And don't forget yourself. Supporting someone takes energy, especially with a long history behind it. You are allowed to ask for help too.